Honor and Obedience. Those are the two words that are woven through all of these readings. Honor and Obedience. And there’s a mutuality with these: parents and children honoring and obeying; husbands and wives honoring and obeying. How does that work? How do we both honor each other and obey each other?
As I was praying with this reading, and it talks about a father, when your father is old, grieve him not as long as he lives, even if his mind fails, be considerate of him. I’m sure many of you know about my father and the difficulty that he is going through, and when I prayed with these readings, it just hit me like a bolt of lightning, how striking this is to honor your father even if his mind fails. Be considerate of him as long as he lives. It’s been a very profound experience going through this and I’m sure many of you have already shared in this experience.
I wasn’t always the most obedient kid growing up, believe it or not. I was the rebel in the family and I kind of always bucked the system as much as I could. It’s been quite a transformation to care for my father now. I almost feel like in a way I get to make up for my childhood. I feel like I’m honoring him in a way that I never have before, in a very deep way. The more that he becomes dependent and the more that I am able to care for him, I found it to be such a privilege and such a radical transformation of that relationship.
When kids come to me for confession, usually the first thing that they always tell me if they tell me any sins, is, ‘I don’t listen to my parents.’ I usually tell them the same thing over and over again and I think this is a good maxim for all of us to have. I tell them that the best they can do is to become a Saint and honoring and obeying your parents is probably the greatest and easiest way for a child to become a Saint. Why is that? As children, if they learn to obey their parents and if they learn to do that immediately, they are going to be much more likely to obey God, and to listen immediately to whatever he is calling them to in life.
So, I tell the kids, first of all, practically, if you just listen to your parents the first time and do whatever they ask you, you get it done and it is over with. There’s no stress, no screaming, and you go back and play. It makes live much easier. Secondly, it does help you become a Saint by doing the will of another. So, we have this reciprocity between fathers and children, mothers and children in the first reading and there’s also this reciprocity that comes from the second reading, between husbands and wives. “Wives be subordinate to your husbands as is proper in the Lord. Husbands love your wives and avoid any bitterness towards them. Children, obey your parents in everything for its pleasing to the Lord. Fathers do not provoke your children so that they may not become discouraged.” There’s a back and forth, there’s a mutuality of honoring and obeying. This can be the same for anyone in the family. So, husbands and wives, if your husband or wife asks you to do something, and you just do it immediately, that’s going to help you become a Saint.
There’s always a caveat, unless it goes against your faith or morals. As children or as husbands, wives or as parents, obey immediately and honor immediately unless it goes against your faith or morals. We practically live that out in the midst of family. All of us are a part of family and every family comes with its challenges but if honor is there and obedience is there, we help each other to become Saints. Your sanctification will be part of honoring and obeying those in your family.
Saint Paul takes this even further in the second reading when he says, “Put on, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another.” I think that’s an important part, too. Part of our humanness is that we hurt each other, and sometimes we get hurt as well. Families, sadly, can become so divided, if there is unforgiveness.
So, this is a good reading just to examine ourselves and our relationships in our family. Is there any hardness of heart? Is there any forgiveness in our own hearts that needs to happen? Do we bear with one another? Are we patient, kind, gentle, loving, and humble? All of these are qualities of family.
In the Catholic faith, the family represents the primary church, so our families are called to be holy families and to live as the body of Christ within our families. As we go further, the parish actually is also a family, the parish is the primary school of prayer. All of these things that are said about family can be said about us as parishioners, that we are family, that we need to honor, obey, and love each other. And as we do that, we will become more sanctified, we will become a holy parish as we do that.
One of the profound structures of the church which we struggle with in our society is the hierarchy and because of that many of the saints taught us and showed us obedience to the higher levels, so my obedience to the Bishop, to the Holy Father. By doing their will and by laying down our lives for them, it helps us to become Saints and again with that caveat unless it goes against our faith or morals. Then, also in the greater human family in society in general, the same thing can apply: honor and obedience. Even though we have laws like don’t run a red light, we can make ourselves Saints by doing that. Maybe it’s not speeding, we can make ourselves Saints by not doing that. Maybe it’s not getting road rage, we can make ourselves Saints by not doing that because we are part of a larger human family and so even those laws we obey, again unless it goes against our faith or morals.
I think, on this feast of the Holy Family, it’s just good to take a little barometer of ourselves. How are we with our family? How are we with our Parish? How are with the greater church and our human family at large? Do we honor each other? Do we obey each other? And is there love?
