What is your biggest regret? What is your biggest regret in life?
There was a video of some people who put a giant chalkboard in New York City, and that’s what they wrote on the top of the chalkboard: “What is your biggest regret?” Then it was amazing, because as the day started it was blank. A number of people stopped by and as they looked intently at it you could tell that in their mind, from the very first look, they knew right away what their biggest regret was. It took them a little time as they just stood there and processed the question. Then one by one they went up to the board and wrote out their biggest regrets.
One of them wrote, “My biggest regret was not spending enough time with my family.” Another wrote, “My biggest regret is not following my dreams.” Another regret they wrote was, “Not saying ‘I love you’.” By the end of the day, the entire chalkboard was filled with these big regrets that people had held onto for all their lives. It was interesting—their willingness to not only name their regret, but to write it down.
We all probably have regrets in our lives. The common theme with all of those regrets, which was interesting, is that they all started with “not.” Oftentimes our regrets are things that we didn’t do.
These readings today actually bring me great hope, because they show the power of Jesus and what he is able to do in our lives, even in the things that we regret.
I think for a lot of people, the biggest regrets that haunt us come with times when we know of a loved one who dies. Our regrets often come flooding in at that moment, because that’s a moment of finality—there’s no going back. You can’t redo the things that you would have liked to do with that person, or say “I love you,” or forgive them for something in your life. And there may also be painful regrets of not even being there when that person died—really wanting to be there and it not happening. But Jesus shows us how he can still work in the midst of that.
Yesterday we received news from hospice that they see my father transitioning, and so they told us all just to be prepared for this next stage of life as he is now going to be transitioning into death.
As I was praying with this Gospel of Lazarus, I began to get flooded with anxieties and worries of things that I haven’t done or things that I haven’t said. There are some things I haven’t said because he has had dementia, and it’s like I don’t want to say anything that would cause him any further confusion. But it was amazing that Satan was just attacking me with all of these different things.
And then I realized, no, I have said the things that I’ve needed to over the years, and hopefully I’m doing everything I can just to love him through this time of his life. But those regrets can haunt us.
I want you just to think about your own life. If there was a chalkboard there and you thought “what is my biggest regret in life?” what would that regret be?” Just try to call that to mind.
We hear in the readings today the power that Jesus has not only over death, but over sin in our lives. Usually with regret there is some kind of sin—either something that we didn’t do or something that we did. But I love the prophet Ezekiel, who says this so strongly, “O my people, I will open up your graves and have you rise from them.” Even those things in our lives that we think are so unchangeable, and there’s nothing more unchangeable than death, he has power over death. “O my people, I will open up your graves and have you rise from them.”
Those regrets that we have in our lives, or the sins that we have in our lives that we think may have permanently altered our lives, nothing is permanently dead with Jesus. There is no regret that he cannot redeem. Even in death, he can open our graves and have us rise from them.
It’s interesting in this Gospel today, it actually brings me so much comfort, because Jesus, when he hears that Lazarus is sick, and the sisters send word to him, “The one you love is sick.” Jesus receives word of that but he doesn’t go right away. He stays there for two days. And during those two days, Lazarus, the one that he loves, dies. He is away from him when he dies.
When he realizes that Lazarus has died, he tells his disciples, “Lazarus has died, and now it’s time to go to him.” But he says something very important, “I am the resurrection and the life, and whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live.” When he gets back into town, Martha greets him, and she’s obviously very upset. She says, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
And as the Jews are watching all of this unfold, they say, “See how much he loved him.” Jesus loved him, even though he was away, even though he wasn’t there at the moment of death, he loved him.
Oftentimes people hang on to that hurt or that disappointment or that regret that they weren’t able to be there at the moment of death of their loved one. But Jesus is able even to redeem that.
Lent is a time for us to acknowledge our regrets. It’s a time for us to lay them open before God, and a time for us to allow God to heal those regrets in our lives.
One of the greatest sacraments that we have is the Sacrament of Confession, because it’s a time for us to come forward before God and his priest and to speak those regrets out loud. We’re not writing them on a chalkboard, but we’re bringing them into the light. We’re speaking them out loud. And then the priest, as he lays his hands over the penitent, and Jesus speaks through the words of the priest, “I absolve you from your sins, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”
Our sins are completely forgiven. When we bring our sins to Jesus, not only does he forgive us our sins, but he is able to work in wondrous ways. He is able to transform our lives, transform even our sin into something good and something beautiful.
Finally, in the psalm today, we are given this wonderful refrain that happens over and over, “With the Lord there is mercy and fullness of redemption.” I love that, because oftentimes we think the things that we did in life, or didn’t do in life, can’t be redeemed or changed. But, with the Lord there is mercy, he will show us his mercy. And it also says “the fullness of redemption”. That means that not only are there things in our lives that he can redeem and bring good from, but he can bring the fullness of redemption. He can fully transform and redeem. All of the regrets that we’ve had in our life, all of the things that we did do, and maybe even more importantly, the things that we didn’t do.
So I want you to think right now, just close your eyes for a moment, and as I ask you that question, “What is your biggest regret in life?” I want you to see what memory comes to mind.
Now I want you to repeat after me:
With the Lord there is mercy
And fullness of redemption.
Now I want you to notice that there is another regret in your life, something you didn’t do or something that you did and you regret.
And together with me:
With the Lord there is mercy
And fullness of redemption.
And one final time, allow any regrets to surface. What do you most regret in life?
With the Lord there is mercy
And fullness of redemption.
And just spend a few moments now and allow that to be a litany of any regrets in your life. Just let them come to mind in your heart, and over and over in your head say to yourself with each one of those, knowing God’s ability to transform:
With the Lord there is mercy
And fullness of redemption.
